Cancelation

The Terror was not demographically significant. It claimed only one French scalp in fifteen hundred, when each winter claimed a dozen times more. Yet its swoosh, its cool handshake, and dangling scalps endure in the memories of panicked liberals, AP History students, and Substack intellectuals who long ago forgot winter’s toll.

Sex sells even better. Representative Karen Miscold knew this—knew it when she bought a dress or took a selfie or cropped her hair, knew it when she defeated a menopausal school principal in her first primary, and thought she knew it when she drafted the Too Hot to Die Act. She was only partly right.

Phil had never really thought about executing women when he and ChatGPT drafted his Whole Head Guillotine Act. He hadn’t even considered whether getting an abortion was now a capital crime or whether some hayseed prosecutor or the Whole Head Guillotine Court might think it was, or whether the Supreme Court would step in, or if UNCUCK would stop them. Phil wasn’t good at three-body problems. He knew that women were pretty and had sex and sometimes got pregnant, and that some of them didn’t want to go through with it. He would never have wanted to abort his own seed, and was glad that, between striking out, making out, and birth control, he’d never gotten the wrong girl pregnant. If he had, he wouldn’t have made her get an abortion or pushed her down the stairs or even screamed at her. He certainly wouldn’t have wanted to implode her skull if she snuck out and got one. Killing women was icky.

Saving beautiful women who reminded him of Kara was a hill Phil would die on.

Killing beautiful women was worse. Phil co-sponsored the Too Hot to Die Act. It was the kiss of death for Representative Miscold.

First, they came for her on Bluesky.

Astrobitch420: “She’s legislating her own privilege.”

Femmepolicy: “You can’t be a cool girl when you were raped or molested and spoke out. Miscold is codifying rape culture.”

ProudFatty1863: “Every girl and trans girl who slits her wrists over body shame is Karen Miscold’s victim, and Miscold is not too hot to die.”

Next, they came for her co-op membership.

Then they came for her job.

The New York Times reported:

Texas Democrats have scheduled a closed-door vote on whether Representative Karen Miscold may remain in their caucus. Minority Leader Javier Peña said he was “sickened by the Mad Men misogyny of the Too Hot to Die Act. Anyone who thinks women will rise through their bodies rather than their bodies rather than their minds belongs in a padded room, not the party of Kamala Harris.”

Representative Alma Ferrell (D–Dallas) called the measure “a repugnant relapse into patriarchal spectacle.” Senator Gwen Cho (D–Houston) said it “is a sexual harassment lawsuit masquerading as a law.”

Miscold was defiant. “I’ve faced catcalls, bullhorns, and even death threats just for trying to save a young woman’s life. I am proud of my body and proud of my bill.” Sources speculated she might consider changing parties but noted she has rarely talked to Republicans and almost never let them talk back.

By midday, the criticism had sharpened. “Representative Mid Old failed Politics 101 and isn’t even that hot,” an anonymous staffer told the Austin Statesman. “Honestly, she’s more perimenopausal than provocative.”

A junior staffer for the Senate Women’s Caucus posted, but soon deleted, a tweet comparing Miscold’s hair to “a discontinued vape flavor.”

By evening, a panel on PBS NewsHour devoted fourteen minutes to the controversy. A historian of feminism called it “a necessary but uncomfortable conversation about bodies, politics, and power,” while a columnist for Elle concluded simply, “Some people are just jealous.”

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The New York Times and Siena College commissioned an overnight poll of registered Texas voters on the so-called Too Hot to Die Act. There were 504 cell-phone and 98 landline respondents.

Overall, the Too Hot to Die Act drew 46 percent support and 54 percent opposition statewide—a narrow deficit that masks huge group differences.

Women were divided into those who self-identified as “seven-plus” and those who did not. Men were divided into those who had straight sex in the last thirty days and those who had not.

Seventy-five percent of women identified as a seven-plus. This group split 52–48 in favor of THTD, within the sub-sample margin of error. Women who self-identified as “mid,” “plain,” or “worse” opposed the act by an overwhelming 92–8.

Fifty-three percent of men claimed sexual activity in the last thirty days; they supported the act 82–16. Forty-seven percent admitted to a month of celibacy and opposed it 17–80.

Democrats opposed the measure 72–28, while Republicans supported it 64–36.

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A source was granted anonymity to explain, “Emily’s List has laid the law. They have a lot of women who detest their ex-husbands’ second wives. Many of them are older, struggling with the male gaze. They threatened a blacklist.”

A UT politics professor explained, “Miscold wrote a bill to bring in Republicans and forgot her own party. People used to call her an empty skirt behind her back—now they say it openly. The assets that made her an effective social-media influencer just betrayed her.”

The Sierra Club issued a statement: “We oppose violence against the earth, Palestinians, minorities, and victims of the Texas Whole Head Guillotine. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

Greenpeace tweeted a picture of a whale thrusting out of the water with the caption, “Too cool to die.”

PETA posted a picture of a ferret captioned, “Too hot to die!!” It got 3.2 million likes.

ActBlue sent out an email: “Republicans are using the guillotine to turn women into handmaids and giving them a choice between having babies and joining the IDF. Send $20 now.”

WinRed fired back: “They want to guillotine God’s daughters. Chip in $17.76 to stop them.”

A crowd of 5,000, mostly women, protested THTD at the state capitol, waving pink signs and chanting, “We’re more than our looks!”

That afternoon, the House caucus voted 60–2 to remove her. Miscold took a late-night job as a Fox News reader.

That night, three more skulls burst beneath dentated steel at the state prison. A few dozen people, mainly Catholic nuns, stood vigil outside the penitentiary during the executions, their candles flickering in the wind.